Lonely.ie

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks..
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'




Three ol guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'


A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'



Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'


One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'



Like those? Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh.

A store that sells new husbands opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: - You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! - There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. - The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose togo up to the next floor, but you cannot goback down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: FLOOR 1 - These Men have Jobs. She is intrigued but continues to the second floor where the sign reads: FLOOR 2 - These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: FLOOR 3 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow", she thinks but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor where the sign reads: FLOOR 4 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help With the Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads: FLOOR 5 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor where the sign reads: FLOOR 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Absolutely brilliant lmao

Are men stupid ?

D
he who knows not and knows not that he knows not he is a fool-- shun him
she who knows not and knows that she knows not she is a wise woman -- follow her
this is the essential difference between man and woman

good one Smudge!!! anyone else??

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life in-between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night!"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was yer toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Deagio....the short answer to your question is: YES.

and are we not constantly proving it to the delight of the fairer half of the population??

lol pray......and sure don't some men work overtime at it! I prefer to think that it's the uniqueness of each sex that serves a dual purpose: first, to attract; then to drive each other crazy!